Separation

People get emo when they break off, get rejected or lovesick.
What about me?
I get emo when me and my friends have to leave one another.
Just got to know she’s leaving tomorrow. I mistaken the date.

I HATE IT!!!

I don’t know why.
I feel so unworthy, I am such a failure, not a good friend.

Harmonization*
Ashley won't be doing any harmonization.
Huichuen's part of harmonizing not confirmed.

(Huichuen) 又回到最初的起点
呆呆地站在镜子前
(Ashley) 笨拙系上红色领带的结
将头发梳成大人模样
穿上一身帅气西装
(Huichuen) 等会儿见你一定比想像美

(Huichuen) 好想再回到那些年的时光
回到教室座位前后　故意讨你温柔的骂
黑板上排列组合　你舍得解开吗
谁与谁坐他又爱着她

(Ashley) 那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱你　拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是你

(Huichuen) 那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉你　告诉你我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱着你
紧紧抱着你


(Together) Sorry (Ashley) geojinmaldo an halge
(Huichuen) Sorry (Huichuen) jeonhwado ggok badeulge
(Ashley) Sorry (Huichuen) honja duji anheulge neoneun naeggeonigga

You are my lady, namanui Lady
(Ashley) apeurodo orae deo orae nae gyeote sarajwo
(Huichuen) neo eopsin andwae, jugeodo andwae
nunmulman ddo heulleo ddo heulleo amugeotdo mothae
geureonigga jebal ddeonajima

(Ashley) nega wonhan geon da gochilge
nega silheun geon eoddeokedeun da baggulge
(Huichuen) museun marideun joha nareul yokaedo joha ddeonajima Yeah

(Together) You are my lady, (Ashley) You are my lady, yeongwonhan Lady
(Ashley) neoreul wihae sallae nan sallae neo eopsin mot sara
(Huichuen) apeuro orae, ggeutggaji orae
(Ashley) he-eojiji anke ggok orae hamggehagiro hae gati itgiro hae
(Huichuen) geureonigga nareul ddeonajima

I’m selfish

I want to charge my iphone to the fullest and then she came asking me how much I have charged already, she wanted to charge, yet I said she can’t! Because she always snatched my charger then charge her iphone. It’s really inconsiderate to me, I feel that why must I give in already, she got a charger and as well as a portable charger.

I wanted to poop, I asked if I can use the bathroom first then she let me. She then said I’m like the biggest here, snatched her bathroom, so I was like so much question marks above my head, I don’t know how to react. What’s wrong again? She said I would throw her temper if she never give in, for so many times is I let her bath first without even nagging.

She asked if she could wear my tshirt, I could lend her if I had enough to wear, the thing is she torn my shirt before and I don’t have enough to wear, then she come saying I’m selfish, she borrowed me hers but I can’t lend her mine. The reason is I want to wear that particular shirt tomorrow, that’s the only decent shirt. She just doesn’t know I always wear the same. Then I really wanted to lend her my shirt, she then said “Don’t need already la”, in that very sarcastic tone.

When she borrowed money from me, I didn’t know how much I’m left with, she then said I didn’t want to lend,

Conclusion

I’m a stingy person to them.

I never earn money to support them.

I am a  foul tempered person to them.

I am a person whom they find it hard to communicate with.

And they don’t notice the little things that I have done like what? Although I have no money to buy a lcd tv, I bought a bed for mom to sleep on, in the end, she never sleep on it, instead she slept on the sofa then I had to nag her to sleep on the bed.

I bought groceries and with nobody wanting to eat, I wanted to cook for mothers’ day and then realised nobody was at home, however mom was outside with this guy.

I have done very little things I admit.  So how much things I have to do to please them?

Sometimes I really want to die, I tell God, should I just open the window and just jump down?

I have a mother, I have a father and I have a sister.

Yet when I have dry skin, I wanted my mother to touch to check whether it’s true, then she didn’t even want to touch, she just shook her had to show that she cannot be bothered.

When with my sister, when she’s with her friends or my relatives and I’m with her, she will say alot of things she have done for the family and me, then they will come telling me to be more obedient and filial. I have no way to share my testimony because I know I am weak and little to share.

My dad, doesn’t come home. He doesn’t show concern, same as my mum, they don’t nag. Even the debar form, I asked my mom to sign, she seemed to have no feelings at all.

My sister always condemn me for the things I do.

I told her I got sleeping disorders like insomnia, she just don’t believe despite knowing and seeing that I have tried to sleep.

Why can’t they believe and care for me?

I’m old enough I know but…just a little concern and assurance from them, can I have?

I have an attitude= I act in a happy go lucky way.

So I guess…to them, they might think I won’t have feelings, the truth is I do.

Just be it, I won’t tell them about how I’m feeling anymore. I will just let her condemn me, I will continue nagging mum to sleep ,I will continue smiling at dad when I see him.

Bye,.

My Mum Hates Me

1) She doesn’t like to see me.
When I come home, she gives me that look and that black face.
When I get home and just nice she is asleep, she will wake up because of the noise I made then she hates me to come home.

2) She doesn’t call me to ask where am I anymore
Usually she would now she doesn’t because I’m the one calling now. She is always home late or hangs out outside. I call out of concern, then she thinks I am controlling her.

3) She thinks I’m sarcastic.
Because I do not know how to express myself I will say please go to sleep la drunk until like that so ugly, hahaha. Or I will say, wow you are actually going to the room and sleep, let’s clap for you.
She thinks I’m crapping.

4) She doesn’t call me when I’m not back home and she doesn’t even nag at me, she never cook and give me monthly allowance, sometimes when I never remind her she will act like nothing happened so never give me allowance.

Conclusion: I’m sad, my heart breaks for don’t know why. I can just smile along and laugh out loud when I see her in this state.

I’m sad, she isn’t.
If one day I’m not there, will they feel sad? Will they call and ask?

I can’t sleep tonight because of this.
Sorry.

My mum.

She is my noble mum.
I remember when I was in primary 1 to primary 6, she would fetch me to and from school. She would help us wear the 雨衣 when it rained then changed shoes for us when we reach school.
She would bring us to the wet market and not always leave us alone at home. She would cook and feed me, even when I was older and if I fell sick, she would feed me without complaining.
When taking public transport, she would give her seats to the needy. That’s even before the priority seats existed. She gave to the charity too.
She always asked me to help her take things from the kitchen and i would be scared because at night and it’s dark, she said she’s looking over me from the living room so I don’t have to be scared.
When no electricity, she will light up the candles and help us shift beds to the living room.
She will not make me hungry.
She paid for almost all of the appliances at home.

She would nag at me, scold me and beat me if I misbehave or fail spellings.

She was more than a mother to me.

Why can’t they all look at the good side of her? Why do they have to condemn her?

Why.

do ya know my heart? My heart dies when I see you bringing his shirt back and wash, I am so lonely to be alone, dad doesn’t come home, you drunkard, sis workaholic. I try by all means to keep myself busy, like always tweet about busy things, haha actually I’m not, I’m just being cheerful, simple, life is like this, we need to look forward to something, if not it’s just so bored to live on.

I gathered all the evidences, ready to give it to dad, I really don’t want to do this, my heart hurts as I gather the evidences.

I always laugh at you all, I am the mad person in the family literally, smiling all the way, laughing, stay up to wait for sister to come home. Sometimes it’s getting late and i don’t see you coming home, I really worry, I just feel like damage that guy’ car.

Jeffery: Thanks for breaking up my family, you fucker, I hate you!!! Who are you to ask her to cook for you, do laundry for you? JEFFERY, GET LOST!! GET AWAY!

Dear buddy, why don’t you contact me? Why do you turn me down when I ask you out? I’m sorry for beating you up. I’m seriously utterly disappointed when you told me you smoked again, you told me you were going to clubbing, you promised me not to and that’s why I couldn’t control myself, sorry for destroying your cigarettes and throwing away your lighter. It’s your decision to want me as your friend, I know that I’m a strict friend with a lousy temper, no matter how I hope you quickly enjoy before you get old, you should settle down and take care of your family instead of hanging out too much.

Dear Jasmine: I have always wanted to be your listening ear, whenever I see your facebook/twitter statuses, I wanna ask you what really happened. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, I haven’t know the whole story yet, no matter how, I will try my best, as much as I can help. When I see Yuanzhen posting all the tags and posts to the other classmates, I saw that why isn’t your name in her posts, I just feel sad when I see that.

To classmates: I am sorry for not coming to school, I am sorry for being so secretive, I am sorry for being so stubborn. I have tried by all means to meet up with you all, I want to know what really happened, I want to clear all the misunderstandings and settle the conflicts you all have. I have tried once and twice for a simple gathering, majority cannot make it.

Is it that you all dislike me? Why Yuanzhen organize then you all will go? Why I organize, nearly nobody wanna go?

I have missed too much school that I don’t even know what is going on, I don’t know when is test, Mr Cheong always ask me when I’m coming, I’m really touched, he always asks me, I don’t see him posting on others wall, sometimes I think I make him disappointed.

Just before school reopened, I have set my mind to go to school. I am talking the truth here. On that Sunday night, something happened in my family again.

What happened on Tuesday and Wednesday was, my house was invaded with fire ants, I had to stay up home to do some pest control.

Thursday which is today: I couldn’t go school, I had to wait for my mum to come home as I need to run errands.

How I wish I will attend Monday to Friday’s school without being so late.

I feel so bad and sad that whenever I go school, I have to pangseh my classmates to meet my other friends.

Now I hope, I’m just a simple student who goes school and goes home after school.

Sometimes, not being able to wake up, is mostly because of family, so it’s ok, I’m getting used to this. I just need skills to sleep late and wake up early hahaha.

My heart hurts when I see my sister working so hard, more than 12 hours everyday and getting to face the shits at home when she come back. I will usually stay up so to hear her rants.

Most of the nights, I am alone at home. So I always like to watch horror movies, haha, since child till now, I have been through the real darkness before, those that without lights at home, being alone with sister at home, gotta overcome the fear to deal with money dealers.

Ok, shouldn’t write anymore.

Nobody is interested about my life,

Nobody will be.

When I tell my problems, friends will leave me.

So I rather be the crazy normal self, although I have leaked out a little bit of my problems.

Bye!

Goodbye, companion

1 year plus with my friend and given to me for 1 year 9 months.

The first time I cried infront of you was last year’s feb, I ran home crying very hard after an incident happened. Thanks for looking at me and walking around me as I teared.

Most of the time when I’m alone at home, when I’m afraid or lonely, I would turn to you and played with you. I spent more time with you than my family.

Taking the guitar and singing when I’m sad, you always hear me sang although I sounded constipated, you showed me your attention and curiosity.

From now on, I won’t be able to say goodbye and shout I’m back home, you have passed on. You were so obedient and kind, you never bite, my papa commented.

I’m crying as I type this post, alone in the room, noise free and at night.

Goodbye.
Hamsters are not as big as cats and dogs, but they tasted the tears of us and never failed to go through with us, or me I shall say.

And papa told me that you died in a way that you are trying to make me notice, reason because you dig a hole in the center of the cage and die there. Rest in peace.